Self-Care In Small Spaces (Part 2)

Get ready for a dive into the sensory side of self-care in small spaces! Building on Part 1, we couldn’t resist talking about how each of our senses contributes to our stress or our well-being. Researchers have noted that the multi-sensory quality of nature matters precisely because monotony of stimulation can itself be a source of stress — in other words, our senses need nature in our lives. Let’s go.

Sight. Have you heard the saying “a sight for sore eyes”? It’s all about what relaxes your eyes. Most of us don’t think of our eyes needing rest unless we’ve been in front of a computer too long. But our faces, scalps, jaws, and necks hold a lot of tension, and all those tiny muscles push and tug on each other as one webbed unit. Try this: close your eyes, let your jaw relax enough to leave a little space between your teeth, let your tongue rest low instead of pressing against the roof of your mouth, and — here’s the part you’ve been waiting for — let the muscles behind your eyes relax. Even just becoming aware of those muscles makes an instant difference. Beyond closing your eyes for a while, you can ease into the day with dim light that brightens gradually, and dim the lights for the last hour or two before bed. Candlelight, anyone?

Hearing. Until I had a child with sensory sensitivities, I didn’t realize I have some of my own. For example, there’s a comfort for me in having the laundry running in the background — a warm, homey feeling. But there’s also a subtle tension that builds in my whole body throughout the day until the moment the dryer switches off and the house falls silent. My entire body relaxes and I usually sigh with some subconscious relief. I don’t know what it is about that mechanical hum, but I feel a release when it stops. Now think of all the sounds around us each day, subtle and not: air conditioners, computers, cars, music, television, voices, pets. This is where silence and time in nature come into play again — and if you play your cards well, going outside can soothe several senses at once. It’s a great case for forest bathing, which Time Magazine featured well.

Smell. You don’t think about smells in everyday life until you’re hit by one extreme end of the good-smell-vs.-bad-smell spectrum. Wet dog and spring flowers both make us aware of smells, obviously with very different reactions. The idea here is that the smells around us — particularly in boats or RVs — can start to hint that life’s been going on a while and it’s time to do laundry, wash the dogs, or deep-clean. Maybe you can’t do it all in one night and need to give your schnoz a break. Certain essential oils can help if you have them; a couple of our favorites are lavender and bergamot. Baking bread or cookies, brewing coffee, even burning sage can freshen a space. And opening the windows to the smell of rain, river, ocean, or just plain nature instantly lifts the scents and changes the whole tone.

Taste. You’ve heard the phrase “leave a different taste in your mouth.” That’s just it: sometimes we get desensitized and homogenized in our sense of taste, falling into a rut with the food we buy and eat. So start simple, with water — a palate cleanser and instant hydrator that tastes subtly different from every place it comes from. I can tell you the tap water in Phoenix tastes drastically different from water straight off a glacier in Montana. More than any specific taste, though, it’s about slowing down to study and savor the flavor and texture of easy-to-find things: an orange, chocolate, cheeses, coffee. Remember the scene in “Into the Wild” where he tells an apple how amazing it is? That’s zen-level food appreciation.

Touch. Check in with your body. Do your clothes feel tight or itchy? Have you been “touched out” for the day, parents and caregivers? Switch what you can: change clothes, declare a space bubble for a while, get comfortable in soft, satiny, or fuzzy materials — or just go bare, for Pete’s sake. (Skinny-dipping, admittedly, is more than the thrill of being naked outdoors; it’s a completely different sensory sensation.) When my dad passed away, there was a lot of pressure on my sister and me to wrap up his estate and funeral planning, on top of the grief and loss we were processing. I found myself craving a cold-water plunge — it was as though I’d gone so numb and shut off to feeling anything else that frigid water was what my body needed to reset and feel semi-normal again. When I found that perfect cold body of water, I did exactly that, and it gave me the kind of touch sensation I needed at the time. An instant shock, yes, but the zap of sensation snapped me awake again on every level.

Self-care might seem like a buzzword these days, a partner to the mindfulness movement. Whatever you call it, taking time to care for yourself in a comprehensive, whole-being way can make a big difference in your daily pleasure and your enjoyment of travel. Plus, when you fill your own pitcher, you have more to give the people traveling alongside you — and everyone benefits. Enjoy your adventures!

Self-Care in Small Spaces (Part 1)

Living with family, friends, or travel companions of any sort is a dream many are striving toward. And while full- or part-time travel together in small spaces is full of incredible high points, it has inevitable challenges too. One of those is how a person manages personal, peace-reaching self-care while on the move. It’s not always possible to get away for a day, so here are some ways to tend your patience, peace, and serenity for the long haul. Let’s start outward and move inward.

The environment around us. Consider the place that surrounds you — everything you see and touch every day. If you live with other people, some of it is yours and some is likely someone else’s. Do you feel relaxed and peaceful in your living and working spaces? If not, try this quick exercise: sit down where you normally do, close your eyes, and take a deep breath. With your eyes shut, picture the space around you and what fills it. First, notice what you really love and what makes you feel good there — objects, people, feelings. Then ask which objects don’t feel like they belong or don’t make you feel good. Get up, gather those objects, and move them outside for the rest of this exercise. Sit back down in the same spot, close your eyes again, and notice how it feels now. Are there feelings in the space that make you feel less than good, and is there a way to change that? Music, a lit candle, a conversation, open windows, or a quick tidy might help. Maybe those objects outside just belong in different places, put away completely, or let go for good. This is a quick way to refresh the environments you spend the most time in — and it can make a huge difference in how you feel, how your relationships connect, how productive or creative you are, and especially how you rest.

Social sprucing-up. Is there someone you look forward to seeing because you always walk away energized? Or a setting full of people and interactions that inspires you? Take a break — away from the people you live with — to connect with that person. Self-care in the social realm is just this: pick up the phone, buy the ticket, go to the class. Whatever it is for you, taking time to connect with another person is sometimes even more refreshing than a day of meditation. They’re different, and both quite potent. It starts with reserving the time and taking the first step.

Getting physical. In small spaces like an RV, boat, or tiny home (or, let’s face it, during quarantine, any space can start to feel small), getting exercise can be a challenge unless you go outside. But that’s good! Time in nature has been found to benefit our well-being on every level. A Yale ecopsychology review noted that the body of research on nature’s health effects is approaching a thousand studies, all pointing the same direction: time in nature isn’t just nice to have — it’s essentially a have-to-have for physical health and cognitive functioning. If you have a regular workout, take it outside for fresh air and sunshine. If you don’t, a walk around the neighborhood or a local trail is perfect. When you’re not up for active movement, take a towel or blanket outside for some slow, easy stretching — you’ll be amazed at the difference. Weather doesn’t always cooperate, so if that’s a factor, getting movement in might take creativity: wall off a small corner of your space and declare it a temporary 10-minute fortress, or, if the family is your only option, throw a dance party for a few songs followed by a quick stretch.

Letting the monkey mind out of its cage. Your mental and emotional health can be complex. Think of all the moments in a day or week that linger in your mind and affect how you feel, not to mention longer-term stress and future what-ifs that swirl. Journal all of it. Write it down so it can sit somewhere besides your brain — you’ll be amazed how good it feels to set that weight on the paper, and it might not feel nearly as burdensome the next day. Reading something, especially fiction or light non-fiction that pulls your mind away from what you’re in the middle of, can be the breath of fresh air your mind needs. And finally, music: turn up some favorite songs, jam out, and dance your way out of your funk. (By the way, “dance” is a very loose term — wiggling, flinging, head-throwing, arm-flailing, fast-footed jumping all count. Move to those tunes until you feel better.)

Lifting your spirit. I once heard someone say, “prayer is speaking to the Higher Power; meditation is listening.” Have you sat somewhere silently and listened lately? Sacred silence, or meditation, is considered by many to be part of their spiritual hygiene — essential and necessary every day. For those of us who struggle either to commit to meditating or to find a quiet time and place, we have to find alternatives. Again, nature and music are great places to start. Staying up late or waking earlier than the rest of the family can work, though it’s not always sustainable. One quick method I’ve learned is the single-sound meditation: sit somewhere comfortable, close your eyes, take five to ten deep breaths to slow down, and in the hum of life around you, single out one consistent sound and focus only on that — the refrigerator, a wind chime, whatever. When your mind wanders or thoughts appear, come back to that single sound. The point isn’t to catapult into a guru’s empty-mindedness for all of life’s answers; it’s simply to guide a busy mind to focus on one thing for a few minutes and give your soul some relief from all the multitasking.

We hope your travels take you on many new adventures with people you love being around. Taking time to care for yourself will extend your travels, expand your happiness, and feed the longevity of your journey. Do you have any self-care tips to add? What are your challenges around sharing small quarters with other people? Part 2 of this list — five more “roads” — continues from here.

Alternative Schooling: The What and Why

We know a lot of people are grappling with decisions about what the school year will look like, and whichever direction you’re leaning, it can feel like a really tough choice. We want to share some of the nontraditional, alternative types of schooling we’ve come across while educating our son over the last few years — options you may have started hearing about as you look into alternatives.

A little background on our situation: Eric has autism and attended our public school district’s wonderful early-education preschool program. We saw great strides with him there educationally, therapeutically, and socially. It wasn’t always easy, but the people on his team were one-of-a-kind and talented.

When he aged out of that program, it was time to make a choice. In some ways, a traditional public-school kindergarten would have been just fine for him, if challenging — he’d have been part of the special-education program while attending a typical classroom, but would have needed a para or teacher’s assistant for much of his day. Eric is an astute, distinctly unique kid who’s highly aware of the people around him and the words, curiosities, and feelings directed his way — and he’s quite sensitive to it. At times that’s made socializing with kids his age hard. (Would you want to go to a birthday party, day camp, or park if you felt like everyone was staring and asking aloud why you do things differently?)

We also felt he was somewhere between preschool and kindergarten, both socially and educationally, so we chose to homeschool him for a couple of years. Now, it seems, we’re homeschooling well beyond that original timeframe.

At the same time (because life rarely hands you one good-sized challenge at a time), we were at a point in our adult lives and business where a change was becoming both needed and wanted. After a lot of late-night conversations and daytime shuffling, we took the plunge into a nontraditional lifestyle that involves Eric’s education, too.

So here’s a “quick guide” to some of the alternative-education styles we’ve personally run across and experimented with, in hopes it shortens your own research while you juggle the bigger parts of managing life right now.

A variety of schooling types

Homeschooling. We all know this one: kids educated at home, usually by a parent. When we were kids there was quite a stigma around it, but times have truly changed. The resources, curriculums, online offerings, and even out-of-the-home classes for homeschoolers at museums, zoos, and science centers are better than ever. If one parent has the gumption to be both parent and teacher while the other’s income can support the family, it might just work. It also depends on how your child does being home more, self-motivating, and learning from Mom or Dad (a big one). Switching hats between parent and teacher — both for you and for how your child sees and interacts with you — is one of the biggest challenges, but it can work, and some kids thrive in it. There are also plenty of extracurricular sports, social opportunities, homeschool group get-togethers, and co-op options (where different parents teach several kids a course in their area of expertise).

We’ll lump hybrid learning (a mix of homeschool and classroom time) and fully online schooling in here too, since a lot of the learning happens at home. Both are woven into traditional school in some way — through setting, time, or curriculum. Special-needs kids can find therapies at private practices or still access them through the public schools. This, and how you report your child’s educational records, depends on your state, so make sure you fully understand what your state requires if you choose to homeschool. A great place to start is with blogs devoted to the art of homeschooling; many also review a variety of curriculums if you’ve decided to homeschool but don’t know where to begin.

Unschooling. You might hear this and think it means going completely hands-off and letting your kid go feral. Nope! Unschooling is actually pretty cool: it lets the student’s interests and curiosities drive the learning. You still cover all the subjects — it just might look different than working problems in a book or following a formal curriculum each day. We do a structured form of unschooling with Eric because, frankly, he learns differently. For a kid who needs motion or activity, we integrate that into the subject. When he got really interested in bees, for example, we learned about bees’ lives (science), turned it into a counting game (math), worked on spelling and reading bee words (English and handwriting), created an imaginative beehive (art), and went out to find bees in the yard (field trip!). He knows a lot about bees and elevators right now because he’s fascinated by them — and he’s still learning a lot, while we’re not losing our minds trying to fit him into a curriculum built for a differently-shaped mind. We still use those great learning books; we just integrate them into activities rather than the other way around.

This won’t work for every kid, truly. Some really need defined structure, and this can be a little too loose. We have to create structure within it, too — kind of like making a box to contain all the scribbles. Before social distancing, our days revolved around field trips, turning everyday errands into chances to learn. Obviously, that changed a lot.

Roadschooling. Imagine homeschooling smashed together with traveling around the United States while you drive and camp in an RV. That’s roadschooling — taking the education with you. It’s a lifestyle in itself, so it requires some big choices and changes. You need a “home state” where you declare your kids are homeschooling and follow its requirements, and supporting your family and making a living are big considerations. Some people follow seasonal work; some have jobs that require travel, so their families move with them (think traveling nurses or railway workers); and many can work from anywhere (graphic designers, writers, media managers, and various tech jobs are common). The lifestyle can be full-time or part-time (we’re part-time throughout the year).

There are serious considerations: do you keep your house, rent it out, or sell it? How do your kids handle this kind of change (age matters a lot)? How is your family at making friends with strangers — believe it or not, there are lots of roadschooling families roaming the country. What’s your travel style, and how adaptable are you (road warrior vs. sit-and-stay)? It’s also a more minimalist lifestyle, since you don’t want to haul everything you own with you. That said, it’s incredible to visit historical sites while your kids learn about them, see the wild animals they just read about, or learn about the people of our country by meeting them.

Worldschooling. Last but not least, worldschooling is like the magical unicorn of education for the adventure-minded family. It takes energy, tenacity, adaptability, and planning ahead around finances, your home and belongings, education, and current events. Honestly, many worldschoolers have had to stay put in foreign countries at times, and some chose to return to the U.S. until things settled because staying in limbo didn’t feel secure — understandably. Worldschooling might happen by airplane, train, sailboat, camper van, or camel; it all depends on where you go. Think of it as roadschooling on the biggest scale we have: global. Some do it full-time, some part-time (that’s us), or for only a set amount of time. It definitely requires a minimalist lifestyle and a lot of adaptability as a visitor to foreign cultures. The idea is that “the world is a classroom.”

You can imagine the pros and cons: high highs and low lows. Making friends can be challenging, but the ones that stick tend to last a lifetime and are wonderfully diverse. Planning ahead and being prepared for a myriad of complications with kids in tow is imperative — money, insurance, homesickness, and more. Before jumping in, really weigh whether you want to worldschool or simply take a good long vacation or sabbatical.

Whichever path calls to you, we hope this shortens your research a little. Every family and every kid is different — the best choice is the one that fits yours.

Common Threads: The Strings that Make Life Valuable

Do you ever dive into the past on a cold winter night and think about where you’ve been and where you’re headed? Lately, I’ve been considering something I call the “common threads.”

Regardless of what has happened or changed over the last, say, 20 years, what are the common threads in my life and character, my interests and dreams, that still hold true — or hold even more strongly? It’s inevitable that interests come and go, but what has stayed steady? Nature, the outdoors, the feeling of exploration, a deep desire for travel and spiritual adventure, the joy of sharing that enthusiasm with others, being part of a community in some way.

As a kid, I wanted to “save the planet.” As an adult with a little more time under my belt, I realize I want to revive humanity — because the planet will survive just fine. There’s a connection with the natural world that aligns us so perfectly with both our physical being on the Earth and our spiritual search while we’re fortunate to be here. Nature shows us vulnerability and strength, hard truths and gentle hints, balance and benevolence. But we have to choose to see it that way — to treat it that way, to embrace the hardships we face as opportunities to grow, and to open our fixed perspectives to obscure possibilities.

Because you never know. One person carrying 40 plastic bottles back from a backpacking trip on the Olympic Coast in Washington might catch the attention of three more people who begin to do the same. And little by little, bottle by bottle, a beach gets healthier, humans widen their perspective, and it lasts… and spreads.

I remember getting back from that trip and telling someone, “all I discovered while I was on that journey was that I just want to pick up trash on the beaches.” It felt so silly to say at the time — like it had no value over a lifetime to declare something so simple, something that wouldn’t advance my career, education, or skills.

It turns out that, almost 14 years later, it was a personal value I’d discovered instead — something that has stayed with me ever since. And who am I kidding? Reflecting on that journey around the country, there was so much more that impacted me for a lifetime than I could see at the time. The experiences had to stew for a while.

Have you discovered any of your common threads to this point in life?